My Inaugural Post: Here's To Celebrating Life!

Do you ever feel as if you are:

•          Lost in a forest not knowing which way to go?
•          Standing on the edge of a great divide?
•          Afloat on the sea wondering where the waves will take you?
•          Tumbling through the clouds hoping for a soft place to land?
•          A pawn in the great chess game of life? 

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Well, I feel like any one of those most days, and if you do, too, and are over 50, you just may be in the right place.  So, welcome to Awkward After 50.  This is my life.  I am over 50, about to be 55 actually, and sometimes still feel as unsure of myself today as I did when I was in my twenties.  Perhaps even more so, because back then I was young and had my whole life ahead of me.  I could be excused for the faux pas I made and the insecurities I exhibited.  But, what about when I misstep now?  With whom can I share these experiences and my feelings about them?  I wondered; are there others out there who can relate?  To find out, I began an internet search for blogs, FB posts, and Tweets with related themes geared to the more mature crowd.  When I couldn’t find what I was looking for, I decided to just start writing myself, and Awkward After 50 was born.

The title was inspired by Issa Rae’s Awkward Black Girl series, but the reality is all my own.  I’m sure by now you are aware of the young sistah, Issa Rae, the creative powerhouse behind the web series Awkward Black Girl.  If you don’t know her, you’d better check her out now at www.issarae.com.  Although she writes from her perspective as someone in her 20s and 30s, some of the situations in which she finds herself are ageless and still resonate with me, and there are 30+ years between us.  This blog will speak to, dissect, examine, and attempt to work through the angst sometimes felt as a younger baby boomer who still grapples with issues I thought would have been long past, whose life is still missing pieces and isn't quite what she expected.

Now, I am fairly successful, greatly blessed, and extremely grateful, and yet I truly feel that something is still missing?  And that something can become so important and so all-consuming, that the most random, unrelated words or experiences can lead to the most profound thoughts which reduce me to tears.  Here’s an example:  The aforementioned Issa Rae has a new HBO comedy series called Insecure.  In the first episode there is a scene where the main character (played by Issa herself) is presenting a new project to a classroom of preteens.  Issa was hit with questions like why she isn’t married, why she wears her hair natural and cut short, why she speaks like a white girl, why, why, why.  It was really funny and I cracked up watching her dodge those bullets and hearing her audible thoughts that run as continuous first-person commentary throughout the show.   However, my humor quickly turned to melancholy as I thought about the students’ responses to this beautiful black woman, who on surface may appear insecure, but is really brave and fearless.  Those thoughts led to remembering my own responses to similar questions throughout my life:  Where is my plus-one? Why am I not married? Why don’t I have children? When will I cut off my locs and straighten my hair, etc., etc., etc.?  And, those remembrances made me sad for my younger self who didn't know where I fit in life and built a wall of defense just to get through.  A further realization hit me that rarely do I get asked those questions anymore.  As loathesome as they were, does no longer being asked those questions mean that there are no more expectation for me to experience love, romance, marriage, beauty, etc.,  that my time for that has past?  Such reflection quickly turned my laughter into sorrow and I literally began to weep.  I cried for the awkward girl I used to be; for the awkward woman I once was; and for the woman I now am whose life continues to be somewhat awkward and uncertain. All this retrospection occurred in less than 15 seconds! 

Thankfully, though, I didn’t end there.  You see, in the midst of my angst I began to count my blessings and thank God for all the Light that is within and around me.  And, that led to my final thought, that even being awkward over 50, I keep striving to be the best I can be.  Despite the negative messages conveyed throughout society about those of us who are in our middle years and beyond (especially those who are Black √, Female √, and Unmarried √), life is good and deserves to be celebrated every day.  Ultimately, I guess this blog really is about encouraging myself to keep believing in myself and working to be my best me.  And, I hope that in so doing, I can create a dialogue that will inspire and encourage you to live your best life, too, whether or not you are, like me, Awkward After 50.  

Awkward After 50

Celebrating Life!