Spike Lee's seminal movie, She's Gotta Have It, was released 30 years ago this year. Wow! I still remember the first time I saw it. I was 24 years old, only a couple of years out of college, working my first professional job. I went to the theater inside the Renaissance Center with one of my girls from high school and college. I had always been a sucker for a good romantic story, and one with Black people my age was something I had to see. And, Spike was the up-and-coming-movie man for OUR generation, so this movie couldn't be missed.
My friend and I settled into our seats in one of the back rows of the movie theater not really knowing Spike's movie style but expecting to be entertained. And entertained we were, from his portrayal of crazy Mars Blackmon, to those moving sidewalks that became his trademark. I liked all of the characters in the movie, especially Nola Darling, even though I couldn't relate to her need and desire for multiple men in her life. It wasn't lost on me, though, that Nola only did what many men do, but unlike many men, she was very open about it. Of course, the men in her life couldn't handle her honesty and freedom and were hell-bent on forcing her to choose between them.
I hadn't had much intimate interactions with men at that time, and I really didn't get why she didn't just settle down with the tall, good-looking, and steady brotha. I thought she was a bit promiscuous! Sorry, Nola, but I did think it. Over the years, though, I came to understand Ms. Nola, and what she was looking for. She didn't want to settle for less than what she wanted in life or in a man. If she couldn't find what she wanted in one man, she would try for two or, hey, why not three? One man who was dependable and romantic, one who was suave and rich, and one who was easy and fun, fun, fun. And, each man was presumably good in bed and willing to be with her on her own terms, at least for a while. Oh, yeah, I can see why she did it. For me, it would be a brotha who could sing to me like Peabo, be as fine and sexy as Idris, make me laugh like crazy Chris Tucker, and be my NWA like Ice Cube. Wait, that's four and I'm still missing my Halleluiah brotha, my Afrika for Afrikans brotha, and my Iron Chef brotha. Chef G. Garvin, where are you?!
Hot!
Hot!
So, yeah, I get it. Each of these brothas would fulfill a certain need that, when combined, would create the perfect man for me. And it is sometimes very tempting to try and fulfill your needs and desires through multiple relationships. Because it is damn near impossible to find one somebody who possesses all you desire in a romantic partner. I've certainly never found it, and I know I've never been that person for any of my (few) men. But, life tends to teach time and time again that it isn't always easy or safe to juggle multiple relationships, no matter how satisfying you think they might be.
Okay, let me switch gears here, because as I write, this blog post is changing. It was never meant to be a review about She's Gotta Have It (and yes, I know there is a new Netflix series). Nor was it to be a philosophical discussion on the reasons for and hazards or merits (such as they may be) of juggling multiple relationships. No, it began as a reflection on my thoughts about love, relationships, and the type of woman Nola Darling seemed to be, and how my perceptions have changed over these last 30 years. See, even though I thought Nola was too out there for me, I admired the bold, beautiful, independent sistah. She seemed so self-assured and had such an interesting, creative life. Back then, I was nothing like that. I had no real life experience, and certainly none with men. (Yes, I was a slow starter...what can I say)? Back then, I envied Nola the confidence she seemed to have. Eventually, though, I came to realize that she wasn't very confident at all, that she was struggling to find her real identity just as the rest of us were. But, knowing that, today I still relish the perceived Nola, the woman with the sex appeal, the one willing to go for what she wants, living on her own terms. At this time in my life, I no longer see her as a peer who is just too dang fast for my tastes, but as the embodiment of the freedom for which I am am still searching.
Wow, this really is awkward. I am over 50 and still striving to be free. So, this post is really about that and how I am searching for something that society says I should have already attained at my age while simultaneously frowning upon my desire as a woman to live without limits. Is there anyone out there who can relate without judgement? And, is there any hope for me to figure things out and learn to be free, even at my age? I pray so. I believe so. Therefore, every day I strive to live a free life, full of joy, peace, and love. One where I can walk with my head held high, my shoulders straight up, and my ample hips swaying proudly. Where I can be unapologetically me, however I want to be, with no limits to myself. Just like Nola Darling, I've gotta have it!
AWKWARD AFTER 50
Celebrating Life! 
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